Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fake Hobos?

This past week has seen an increase in the number of encounters I've had with homeless people. I don't know if its because I haven't done my laundry in a few weeks and my re-worn clothing is producing a comforting, relatable odor to them, but for some reason these people are honing in on me at an alarming rate. I consider myself a fairly generous person, and I'll try to give a few kuai here and there (especially if it’s a woman with a child), but this constant bombardment is starting to get annoying. My one issue is when a homeless person decides to touch me- I'm fine with you asking me for money, but once you start grabbing and tugging at me it gets really annoying and there's no way I'm going to give you anything. Well, thanks to these beggars’s new-found level of comfort with me, the tugging is up. This Friday, I got Mexican food in Sanlitun with Estee, and since we ordered way too much food we needed to take some food to go. As we walked back home, a homeless woman came up to me and started asking for money. I ignored her, so she started tugging on my sleeve. I told her to go away, so she grabs my bag of food and starts tugging on it! This has never happened to me before, and the gumption of her trying to steal my food made me laugh more than anything else, but I still needed to pull my food back from out of her hands and tell her to beat it. THE GUMPTION!

I was riding an escalator a few days ago, and a homeless guy riding in front of me decides it’s a good time to pass out and fall backwards on top of me. I could have moved out of the way, but he probably would have died, so instead I supported him until we got to the top of the escalator. He was just drunk, and once we got off he was good to go, but it took several hours before the sweat smell of shit came off my gloves. THE GUMPTION!

Considering the huge number of people living here in Beijing, there are actually very few homeless on the streets. I know the government cleared the city of pretty much all homeless folk during the Olympics, but now that the summer games have been over for a few months it appears they are slowly making their return back to their old stomping grounds. I had assumed the government had just killed them all, but apparently they were just shipped out of the city for a few months. Anyways, I was talking to my Chinese friend Zhangyi the other day about homeless people, and to my surprise he told me that most of the homeless people on the street were just actors. Apparently CCTV did a report on the homeless, and they found that most of them just dress up to appear homeless because they make a pretty good living off the generosity of Westerners. Zhangyi said that of course there are some real homeless people, but you can't tell who is real and who isn't, so most Chinese just ignore them all. CCTV is controlled by the government, and so you need to take everything they say with a grain of salt, but that is a pretty ridiculous accusation to make. Are you really telling me that begging is so profitable that people are willing to wander the cold Beijing streets day and night dressed up as a bum? Did someone really make a conscious decision to smell like shit and pass out on top of me? If that’s the case, that guys a real asshole. But seriously, what’s up with the government denying all these problems they have? Can't they just admit there is a homeless problem and work to solve it, as opposed to running stories saying that the homeless are actors?


I’m going to go do some laundry, but if I find any further information about these “fake” homeless people I’ll be sure to link it!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Sandra Oh Has A Donkey Face

So its been about a month since I've last posted on the blog, and while most of you would assume its because I've been deathly sick and incapacitated this whole time, the truth is I've just been lazy. I suppose I've been busy too, but I'll put most of the blame on me enjoying naps instead of writing. Anyways, this posting is focused on a bar conversation I had this past weekend with my old Chinese roommate Zhangyi, who I lived with when I studied in Beijing two years ago. Zhangyi is awesome, not just because he's funny, but because I can learn a lot about the Chinese culture by talking to him. This week I learned a bit about what Chinese men find attractive in women, and as you can probably guess it differs a bit from Western standards.

We can agree on at least one thing- Sandra Oh has a donkey face. But the reasoning behind her being ugly runs much deeper for the Chinese than for the average American. In fact, one of the main reasons most Chinese men feel Sandra Oh ugly applies to many women (many of whom I myself find attractive). According to Zhangyi, and of course Zhangyi speaks for the 1,000,000,000 + Chinese people in the world, something the Chinese take very seriously into account is whether or not a girl was one or two eyelids. I had never really thought about that before, and to be honest if you asked me which of my Chinese friends had one or two eyelids I don't think I could tell you. But since having that conversation I have begun observing Chinese girls more closely and have noticed that some have two eyelids and some just have one. Having two eyelids as opposed to one doesn't mean the girls don't look Asian, but there is a noticeable difference in their appearance. Take a look at the pictures to the leftt- you'll see the woman on top has one eyelid, while the woman on the bottom has two. Both are clearly Asian, but the one on the right has a bit more "puffiness" under her lower eyelid.

So, do you find one more attractive than the other? I personally don't see any difference in either of them, or at least not a noticeable enough difference to consider one better looking than the other. Still, to the Chinese (and for that matter most Asian cultures), this is a big enough difference to encourage drastic cosmetic surgery to be preformed in order to become "more beautiful." Just going online to try and find the above comparison shots lead me to many websites touting the pluses of getting Blepharoplasty, aka Double Eye-lid surgery. According to one website, approximately 75 percent of all Koreans and 50 percent of all other Asians are born without the double eyelid crease, meaning there are plenty of potential patients for this growing market! If you get a chance, read the above link- it has some very interesting viewpoints on the topic.

I asked Zhangyi if the same standards applied to men, and he told me no. Zhangyi himself has single eyelids, but he's proud of them. "I'm the only one in my family to be born with single eyelids, so I'm proud of being unique." I haven't asked any Chinese girls yet if that's true, but to be honest I don't know if I want to bring up this touchy topic or not with them.

So there you have it- Chinese men find Sandra Oh ugly in large part because she doesn't have double eyelids. Seeing that over half of the women in China also only have single eyelids, I wonder if half the population considers themselves settling down with ugly girls? Personally, and I think most Americans would agree, the eyelids aren't a factor at all, nor are some of the other traits the Chinese find attractive (such as pale skin). I'm interested to see what Chinese girls find attractive in a man- maybe that can help explain why so many Chinese girls here are dating foreigners!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Halloween, Beijing-Style!

So I feel like death right now, coughing up three months of beautiful Beijing air and hoping I don't have the black lung. Still, siting on the couch dying means I have lots more free time than I usually do, which means I'm finally putting up a new post. Today's post focuses on the joys of Halloween in China, namely what I did with my kids at kindergarten at school. The day was divided up into three parts: the first part involved me playing Halloween games with them and dancing to Halloween music, the second part involved the children running around the school in their costumes, pounding on doors and demanding candy, and finally the third part involved the parents and children gathering outside for more candy, while I was forced to dress in a creepy old man costume and scare kids. Good times!

OK so the main highlight of the first part of the day was playing Apple Bobbing with the kids. I can tell you right now, it was not a very sanitary game. The fact alone that we filled the buckets with unfiltered Beijing tap water was probably bad enough, but after 20+ kids tried to get the apples and all spit the water back up, that bucket got pretty nasty. But the bucket wasn't the only thing that got nasty- there were some rather intense matches between the children that would often end in violence! Don't believe me? Being the good teacher I am, instead of breaking up one of the fights I decided to film it instead! Some would argue this makes me a bad teacher... and to that I would probably answer touche! Now everyone can enjoy the epic Apple Bobbing battle below!



So as I said, the second part of the day involved the children running around the halls demanding candy. Like good children they all began chanting "Trick or Treat" in unison, to the degree that the teachers were so intimidated they stopped handing out the candy and instead began either throwing down the hall or at the children themselves (which would lead to the inevitable skirmishes on the floor for stray pieces of candy). God bless those little children, diving for candy as if they hadn't eaten for days! Don't think I wasn't cheering them on!

The third part of the day was an odd one. I was told to dress as an old man and limp around the campus grounds, handing candy out to everyone who approached me. I guess I did a little too good a job, as I made several children cry, and it was mainly parents getting the candy for their cowering kids. Estee, on the other hand, was asked to dress up as Snow White with a mask on, as to conceal her true identity. This whole thing didn't make much sense, but the kids had a long of fun (minus the ones that encountered me)! Estee was placed on a balcony, where she waved like the queen of England and threw candy down to the kids below. Here's a video of that madness:

Alrighty that's all I've got in me for posting today. I can't wait to go to school tomorrow and show the kids just how sick I am...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Never Take a Cab to the Airport Again

I need to give major props to the new "Airport Express" line on the Beijing Subway- I finally got a chance to ride it earlier this month, and I was really impressed by how clean, fast, and comfortable the thing is. Riding this line has a one-way flat fare of 25 kuai, but it is totally worth it. I have an apartment near Bagou subway stop, and were I to take a cab from there to the airport I'd run up a fare of over 100 kuai, but now I can now take a subway for a quarter of the price that takes the same amount of time as a cab would! Take a look at the photo to the right. That is the new subway, not a train. Those are individual seats! The Chinese are actually encouraging personal space! There is even plenty of room for baggage. And the very best part of all is you never need to worry about dying in a horrible Beijing car accident again! Huzzah!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Chinese Have No Respect For Rules


Take a look at the photo on the right. This was taken in a noodle restaurant in the Chaoyang district of Beijing. In the photo you will see a man smoking a cigarette- not a surprise here, since people will pretty much smoke anywhere and everywhere in China. What makes the photo awesome though is the sign CLEARLY stating "No Smoking" in the upper right corner of the picture. This is just another example of the Chinese not caring about what other people think or say- they do what they want and that's that. This trait can definitely be annoying at times, but then there are instances like this here where there is nothing you can do but laugh at them.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Childrens Clothing Gone Bad

One of my very favorite things to do here in China is to read the many horrible misspellings printed everywhere. When I say everywhere, I'm talking official state documents to subway advertisements to roadside maps. And now, everywhere has expanded to children's clothing lines. Huzzah! It's not just misspellings that are affecting these poor children's clothes- its horrible judgment and a complete lack of understanding of the English language by the printers that is now making hilarious/horribly inappropriate apparel. Let's look at some examples I've managed to snap photos of:


Example #1 can be seen on the left. This is one of my many kindergartners. Her name is Wendy. She is very cute, and loves to laugh. She also loves to wear a sweatshirt with the word "Shit" written across it. My question is, why was this shirt ever made, let alone as a small children's t-shirt? The word "Shit" is not a mistake- this is one of the few shirts I have seen in China where the spelling is correct and that doesn't happen unless someone takes the time to check it out.


Example #2 can be seen on the left, and I would argue this is even worse than the first example. This too is a children's shirt I am holding up, and it isn't hard to notice the words "Touch Me Now" printed across the chest. A cute heart across the center further encourages young girls to wear it. Now I've been joking the past few months about China being a pedophiles paradise, but for God's sake how did this shirt ever get approved to be made for kids?! Was this just a mix-up with something along the lines of "hug me," or is there a creeper working behind the scenes making these perverse shirts? I don't even know what I'd do if I saw one of my students wearing this shirt. By the way, that shirt was being sold en mass at the local Beijing Walmart.

OK well those are the only pictures I've taken so far, but I assure you there will be more in the future (but hopefully not children's shirts)!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Beijing Zoo is a Dump

Q: What's more depressing than the Beijing Zoo?
A: The Beijing Zoo when its raining!

Oh it feels so good to laugh again! I'm sure the poor animals could go for a laugh right about now, but unfortunately they're too busy fastening nooses out of bamboo grass or whatever the hell the zoo keepers feed them. In all seriousness though, the Beijing Zoo is really one of the most depressing places to go, and clearly didn't receive any of the funding the government doled out to the city to fix it up for the Olympics. I have been to the zoo twice now since getting to China (once in the rain, and the other time as a field trip with my kindergarten class), and each time I leave feeling like shit. How can the management of that place walk through the compound everyday, see all these depressed animals sitting in their old filth, and not even consider spending a bit of money to fix the place up?

Something else that has really bothered me each time I went to the zoo was the way people treated the animals. For instance, I was watching a big majestic Lion in his 10x10 cage (appropriate room dimensions for an animal that typically roams vast plains), when all of a sudden a Chinese guy walks up to the cage and starts clapping and screaming and growling at the animal, trying to get a reaction. Soon a few other Chinese men walked over and started screaming at the Lion, which looked like it just wanted someone to shoot it out of its misery. The zoo security guard just watched the whole thing and did nothing to stop it. I thought back to the Tiger attack that happened last summer, where a Siberian Tiger escaped from her cage and killed one person before getting killed herself. Now I know its tragic that someone was killed, but after seeing all the abuse these animals get, it's no wonder the tiger snapped. I'm sure she's considered a martyr amongst the animal community, someone who finally stood up against all the douches who harass them day in and day out. I would be lying if I told you I didn't want that poor Lion to escape from his cage...

Something else that really bothered me was the blatant disregard for the signs posted throughout the zoo. Is the vast majority of Chinese illiterate, or do they simply not care about signs asking people not to feed the animals, or not to touch the animals? Take a look at the photos to the right- you'll clearly see a sign that says "Do Not Touch," and then a picture of a man clearly touching said animal. If my damn Nokia wasn't so slow, you would have seen that man lift the poor sea turtle's fin out of the water and hold it there for a photo. Once again, the security did nothing to stop this.

I was pretty excited to see the new aquarium, since it is listed as the world's "largest inland aquarium." How did it stack up? Well... its definitely not as nice as the New England Aquarium, and the price tag was a bit high (120 RMB, as opposed to the 20 RMB it costs to go to the zoo), and the highly hyped Whale exhibit actually doesn't house whales... but it actually wasn't that bad. At least the fish weren't all on suicide watch, right?

I guess the main point of this blog is, shame on the Chinese for letting these animals live in these conditions! If one of the prized Pandas is sleeping in his own shit, just imagine what the other animals have to put up with. I don't know whats going to happen here, but something really needs to be done to fix the place up.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

China Encourages Littering


So I saw this sign above a window on a train, and I was pretty confused as to what it was trying to tell me. Back in the states, seeing a circle with a line through it means you cannot do whatever is in that circle. If you see a sign with no line through it, that generally means you are allowed, if not encouraged, to do it! So when I see a sign with a man sticking his head out the window, and a bottle being tossed out that same window, what am I supposed to think? Come on China!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Beijing Volunteers are Useless

OK so I'm finally getting around to writing a new blog after a bit of a hiatus. The truth is I've just begun teaching "kindergarteners," which in China means any child between the age of 2 and 4. This of course makes little sense, since at age two these kids can barely speak any Chinese. I'll save my rants on children for later though, since today I'm dedicating my time to how absolutely worthless the Beijing Volunteers have been, and continue to be.

For the Olympic games, the Beijing Olympic Committee (BOCOG) set up a massive campaign to get volunteers for the games. The official website lists that 100,000 volunteers were present for the Olympic games and will be present for the Paralympic games- that means that there have been 100,000 useless idiots roaming the streets for the past month plus. So where is all this hate coming from? Well for one thing, several of my friends and I applied months in advance of the deadline for the volunteer position, since the website had stated its need for foreign volunteers. Now I would think that after requesting foreign volunteers, receiving several applications from a group of American students who had all either majored or minored in Chinese would be just what the recruiters were looking for, especially because this was not a paid job. But no, in typical Chinese fashion, after receiving confirmation that our applications were received, we never received any further notice. I called up friends in China to see if they could reach anybody about the matter, but they were all told by the agency that there were too many applications and it would be impossible to look any individual up in the system.

OK fine, that doesn't make any sense but whatever. For all I know, the entire system crashed and they lost all our applications (this is China after all), but you would expect that there would at least be some foreign volunteers, right? Not that I saw. Beijing is a huge city, so its very possible these people were just in other locations, but I've been here since August 5th, been to an Olympic event, walked around the Birds Nest, the Beijing train station and airport, and been to various other major tourist attractions, but not once did I see any non-Chinese volunteers. OK fine, so what if they're Chinese, at least they can speak English and help anyone with their questions, right? Wrong again! Every time I needed help finding someplace, the volunteers I spoke to spoke absolutely zero English- how convenient! I can at least speak enough Chinese to get my point across, but what about all those foreigners who had traveled to China and desperately needed help getting around?

What bothered me even more is that half the volunteers I spoke to didn't even bother trying to understand the Chinese I was speaking. Something that makes Chinese really hard to learn is that several words are pronounced the same way, but the tone or inflection they are spoken with gives the words a different meaning. For instance, "mǎ" means horse while "mā" means mother. So I could be saying a sentence correctly, but if the tones are off the meaning of the sentence is lost. This is a problem I tend to have, but people can still take the context of the sentence and figure out what word I'm trying to say. If you're fluent in Chinese and are willing to take the time to figure it out, its not that hard. But on the few occasions when I needed help finding things, the volunteers I spoke to couldn't be bothered trying to figure out what words I had mispronounced. If you can't speak English, the least you could do is try to figure out what the hell I'm trying to say. For instance, I went with Estee to try and find a temple- its the only temple in the area, and I kept saying the word for temple properly but because I was mispronouncing the temples actual name they had no idea what I was saying and couldn't help me. How did these people even get hired for this!! What do you actually do? Just because Beijing is hosting the Paralympics doesn't mean you need to hire people with mental handicaps to volunteer! Aren't the volunteers there to help foreigners more than fellow Chinese? If so, learn to communicate with people who can't speak the language!

These clowns are still scattered throughout the streets, sitting around pretending to be helpful volunteers when in fact they are just blocking the sidewalks and replacing all the homeless people the government kicked out. For all intensive purposes, these people are jobless bums, since they spend all day sitting on the street and not attending their real jobs (if they actually have one). You know what would have been a welcoming sight? Some one who could speak English and could actually do their job of helping foreign visitors to Beijing. On the plus side, they do have very snazzy uniforms.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Bei Bei Can Shoot Lasers From Her Head

So the Olympic games finally ended the other day, and while it is kind of sad not seeing Olympic coverage 24/7, that doesn't mean the Olympics are gone forever. In fact, there are some people who just can't seem to give up any chance they have to show off their remaining Olympic spirit! For some reason, even though Olympic events are over, I keep seeing people walking around with their official Olympic ID tags around their neck, acting like they are the hottest shit in town. It would really annoy me how much these people would flaunt in public that they work for the IOC and have permission to enter venues without tickets, but I didn't make a big deal of it while the Olympics were taking place since it was technically their time to shine. But now that the Olympics are over its just pathetic. I'm sorry, but working for the IOC really isn't that cool. At this point, seeing you walking around with your ID tags just makes you look like a douchebag and someone desperate to get back that old sense of importance.

While the IOC is desperately clinging to their time in the spotlight, the Chinese government is immortalizing the Olympics through countless hours of replays on CCTV. I've now seen the US/China basketball game on TV one billion times. But possibly the coolest thing to ever come out of the Olympics is the official action cartoon featuring the five mascots of the Olympics. How awesome is it? The Friendlies can fly and shoot lasers out of their heads. From what I could gather (and I watched several of these cartoons), the show focuses on Bei Bei, the blue mascot with the weird lips. She is friends with a weird half dragon, half pig thing, and a strange dog thing that looks like a monk. They are fighting against a giant white person who looks like someone from 300. The white guy is in command of lots of ghosts who are trying to steal the Olympic flame from atop Mount Olympus. I know time travel is involved, and the other Friendlies help Bei Bei in her quest. Thats about it. Lucky for you, I decided to film some clips of the show so you could enjoy it as well. The sound quality is shitty, but I filmed it with my crappy digital camera. Enjoy!










Saturday, August 23, 2008

Chinese Sketchiness

This morning, around 10-ish, I was fast asleep when I was awoken by loud knocking on the front door. I love to sleep. When I'm asleep I pass out into a deep slumber that's hard to get me out of, so it literally took three minutes of continuous pounding to get me up, and I was not happy. I pulled myself out of bed and shuffled over to the door, only to find a young police officer (complete with a red band around his arm) and a middle-aged man (smoking like a chimney) waiting outside for me. I'm groggy but these guys look a bit serious, so in the best Chinese I can muster I ask what they want. They start questioning me about how long I've been in China and when I'll be leaving, but because I was still sleepy I misunderstood the questions and thought he was asking when we'd be leaving the apartment for the day. So I answer that we'll be gone in maybe two hours. This reply confused them and both people started speaking so quickly I had no idea what was going on. I had to call a friend on the phone, who was able to get them to leave. It turns out they were checking to confirm that I had registered with the police and had a valid residency permit. I have a few questions though: if they were the police, why wouldn't they just check up on their files and see that we were registered? Once my friend told them we were already registered, they didn't ask to see the permits themselves, they just left. Also, if they didn't have the files on hand, how the hell did they know where I lived? It's all very suspicious if you ask me, but they left so hopefully nothing more will come out of this!

As a side note, I'm glad people are finally starting to question all ages of those Chinese children, who are so clearly under aged its not even funny. If these girls are honestly has old as they say they are, then China must be a pedophiles paradise because they all look like 6th graders. It's not just limited to the gymnasts though- I saw a diver the other day that could not have been older than 12 years old. Creepy.

Finally, one other Olympic tidbit I've found interesting. Back in America, we have always ranked the countries by order of their total medal count. This makes sense to me. If country A wins 12 total medals but no golds, and country B wins only one gold medal and gets nothing else, shouldn't country A be ranked higher? Not according to the Chinese, who have everything ranked by the number of gold medals won. Why? Well obviously because that would put the Chinese in 1st place by a healthy sum.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Xizhimen Continued

Alrighty so yesterday I wrote a pretty long piece about Xizhimen, but I left out two very important things: CET itself, and the jiaozi fanguan (dumpling restaurant). Well don't worry, the edge-of-your-seat wait is finally over. First, lets start with my old school. The first thing I noticed is the gate is completely different. The old white gate we used to love climbing over has been replaced with a slick metal gate that is complete with an LCD screen that projects the date and time. The gate looks nicer, but I feel like that'd be easier to climb... Awkward encounter: I enter the complex, and I walk to the old office where the shi fu's would chill, and sitting there is the same grumpy shi fu who no one liked. Well it didn't take long for me to remember why no one liked him. I knock on the door and say hello, and of course he ignores me, so I start talking and saying how I went to CET last year and was just visiting and wanted to say hello, but instead of saying something nice or at least smiling, he just grunted and continued to watch his TV program. Well fuck you shi fu, I hope you choke on some noodles.

As I walked through the grounds of 北京教育学院, I had a chance to look at the new students studying there, and I have to say, the group looks shitty. The first semester we were at CET, there was a group of Middlebury kids who took the school's language pledge way too seriously and acted like they had a stick up their ass. Those kids weren't fun and as a result no one from my school hung out with them. Well everyone I saw from this current program looked as if they had multiple sticks up their ass and I'm sooo happy I didn't study there this semester.

Now at some point last year a vicious rumor spread that my favorite restaurant had closed down. It's pretty common for restaurants and bars to close down in China, so there was a distinct possibility that this place really was gone. Still, business had always been so good there and a world without my jiaozi fanguan was too horrible to even think about. Seriously, when in China we probably ate there 2-3 times a week. After asking around, I had heard a few different variations on the fate of the place, so I was still unsure of what I'd find once I returned to Xizhimen. Well, I'm pleased to announce that not only is the place still there, it has received a complete make-over that makes it even more awesome than before! I got some of those delish dumplings I've been craving for so long, and they tasted great!

So there you have it: the jiaozi fanguan lives, and CET is now filled with tools.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Xizhimen RIP

So for those who don't know, I spent the second half of my Junior year studying abroad in Beijing. I studied at 北京教育学院, a small school in the heart of a dirty clothing market. Sure, the occasional waft of burning shit caused occasional gagging, and the fact that I mistook a nearby kindergarten for a prison may make it seem like an unpleasant place, but the truth of the matter is I loved this place and I couldn't wait to get back to visit. Finally, after over a year of waiting, I made my triumphant return to Xizhimen... and the place I had left no longer exists... OK maybe I'm being a little over-dramatic here, but in the past year the place has had a complete facelift. I'll apologize upfront- this posting will probably only excite the former students who want to see the many changes that have taken place... buuuttt I just remembered I don't have enough readers to justify an apology. Alrighty, away we go!


OK so we'll start our tour of the new Xizhimen from the Xizhimen subway stop. The first change you'll see if these three buildings no longer have massive "for rent" signs hanging in the windows. Now, they are the proud home of CapitaRetail!


As you continue down the street, few things have changed. There's a new Subways right next to the KFC, but besides that its all the same. But wait, what the hell is that shit in the distance? Much like a homeless man ruining the serenity of a park scene, here was an eyesore cutting right across the Xizhimen landscape. Some of you might remember a random post that the Chinese built sticking up from the highway- well it turns out there was actually a point to it! Feast your eyes on upon this hideous cement coldsore! It took me three months living in Xizhimen before I discovered there was a mountain range in the distance- now with this monstrosity blocking the skyline its safe to say those mountains may never be seen again.


Anyways, as we continue towards our school, you'll notice another odd decision by the Chinese- now, less than 500 feet away from the old KFC, is a brand new one! It looks like KFC is taking a page out of the Starbucks business book and deciding to plant a new restaurant on every block. Seriously though, is business really booming to justify the two stores? Its not like this is a better location either. On a side note, despite the fact that Starbucks closed something like 30,000 stores this past year, they are planning to expand in China. They also have a really good mango frappachino for only 28 kuai...


So a familiar scene back in the day was piles and piles of bags that looked eerily like they were filled with bodies, but were actually filled with cheap clothing. People would just be lying on the spit-dotted street with their bodies laid out on the sidewalk, and it would be a real pain to walk through that area. Well thanks to the governments move to make Beijing presentable for the Olympics, this area is now paved clear and a mall is actually starting to develop here. There are even easily accessible trashcans! Classy!


OK we've finally made it to the street 北京教育学院 is located on, and here is where all personality has been lost. Back last year, this place was filled with small convenience stores (all selling the same thing) and cheap but pretty tasty restaurants. We used to wonder how these stores could all stay in business if they sold the same things... well the answer is they don't all stay in business because they're all gone. Thats right, pretty much every one of these stores has been replaced by more cheap ass clothing outlets. The restaurant where I bought baozi for breakfast everyday? Gone. The store that sold cheap draft beers during the summer? Gone. The place with the wife-abusing storekeep? Gone. The place that sold Ji Dan Guan Bing? Gone. The good news? The Green Store with our favorite chubby owner managed to survive the changes and has now got a monopoly on the area.


OK thats all I'm going to write for today. Check back in a few days and I'll post an update on 北京教育学院 and the fate of my very favorite jiaozi restaurant!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Thanks China!

Hurray for Chinese corruption! So yesterday I was bitching about how frustrating it was to watch Olympic events and notice all the empty seats, despite the fact that all tickets are supposedly sold out. Well I decided I was wasn't going to be in the host city and not make an effort to get tickets myself, so today I set out with Estee to find try our hand at getting scalped tickets. Now the Chinese have (supposedly) been very strict so far about preventing tickets from being resold, and have sent out countless warnings about people buying from scalpers or from unofficial website after a series of scams broke out earlier this year. But despite recent assurances by the Chinese to fix these problems and prevent the reselling of tickets, it seems in the best interest of the Chinese just to let people resell their tickets and let others go to the games. What sounds better- strict crackdowns on ticket scalpers that result in empty seats, or filled stadiums and only a promise of fixing the ticket corruption?

As popular as it is in America, baseball is really just starting to grow here in China. Looking at the different events and their original ticket prices, baseball was the cheapest sport to view, yet when watching the games on TV it was one of the events with low crowds. I decided this would be the best event to try to get tickets for- low popularity should mean lots of tickets to be resold! Also, the games were held in Wukesong stadium, not the Bird's Nest, so security probably wouldn't be as tight. My guess was right, as the whole outside of the stadium was filled with people trying to sell off excess tickets! After only five minutes of searching, I found a hefty guy from Australia who was willing to sell me two tickets to the Cuba vs. Taiwan match for only 500 kuai (thats about $73). Considering he got the tickets for only 30 kuai each, thats a pretty good profit he made! The thing I found halarious was the fact that cops kept walking buy and watching us illegally buy these tickets, but they never once made a move to stop it. Literally dozens of people were buying tickets right in front of them and no one cared! Estee and I were pretty worried about whether or not the tickets would work, since all tickets contained a small electronic scanning chip to prevent scammer from making fake copies, but these tickets scanned just fine and we made it through no problem!

So how does an Olympic baseball game compare to an American one? Well for one thing, everything is a lot cheaper than a game at Fenway! I'm not going to lie, I was pretty psyched to get in at all, and this called for a few beers to celebrate- five beers later and I still spent less than I would for one beer at Fenway (each beer here cost 73 cents). Hot dogs were kinda gross (no buns, just a hot dog on a stick), and the popcorn was kettle corn.
There were specific instructions not to use sound makers during the game, but the vendors inside the venue were giving away free thundersticks to anyone who wanted them. The Chinese also blatantly ignored the signs asking no one to use an umbrella when sitting in the stadium, but luckily that never affected my viewing. Something else I loved was the fact that the attendants were handing out brochures explaining the rules of baseball, but unfortunetly I couldn't get my hands on a copy.

Once the game started it was just like any other baseball game, but the Taiwanese played the Cubans pretty tight- the game was only decided on a solo shot in the 7th inning in a 1-0 Cuban victory. The Chinese needed help for the most part on when to cheer, but the sound system did a good job with that. There were a few cheering sections being led by men with whistles, and the Cubans had a pretty lively crowd themselves on the other side of the stadium. The stadium actually filled up pretty well for this game, so I guess allowing the illegal ticket sales really is working! One weird note- for some reason the sound system kept playing a rock version of Jingle Bells throughout the game, but Estee and I were the only people who seemed to notice...

OK well thats it for now. The moral of this post- maybe the Chinese system of letting corruption run rampant really does have its virtues!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Chinese Olympic Exuberance is Annoying

China needs to take a chill pill. Fast. I was under the impression that one of the biggest reasons the Chinese were excited to host the Olympics was to demonstrate to the world how mature and likable they are. This is their unofficial entrance to the world as an upcoming superpower, and it is certainly in their best interest to come across as a likable bunch. I have almost always supported China and have enjoyed living here (that's why I came back after all), but there is something about these Olympic games that are starting to piss me off and actually root against China. The opposite of whats supposed to occur is happening! I don't know if its the fact that 95% of the events CCTV shows involve Chinese teams, the overwhelming nationalism of the Chinese fans, or maybe that the Chinese are just winning too much (since when did they win this often?), but the Chinese are starting to get really annoying, really fast.

The other day I was watching some random men's Field Hockey game between the Netherlands and Canada (since when did men start playing this?), and throughout the game I heard that damn China chant begin sung throughout the stadium. It's nice they love their country so much, but do you really need to chant that when your team isn't playing? It's just annoying. Know what else is annoying? The fact that it seems the only Olympic events that are drawing huge crowds are those featuring Team China. Despite the fact that the Olympic games are supposedly sold out and tickets are no longer available, every other event I've seen shown on TV feature stadium shots with stands emptier than Marlin's games. This sucks for people who don't have tickets and instead need to watch a TV screen filled with empty seats

I guess what's annoying more than anything about these Olympics games are the way the Chinese players are reacting. I'm sure its a huge thrill and adrenaline boost to compete in the Olympics, but the way these guys are acting comes across as really childish. Lets take a look at the France Vs. China fencing match I watched the other day. Literally every point played ended with both players celebrating with screams and fistpumps galore, even when they didn't end up winning the point! Look at that picture to the right and imagine seeing that 20 times an event! Now granted, people who fence tend to be tools, and its no shock that the French guy was annoying, but this is just another example of a reoccurring theme I keep seeing throughout the 2008 Olympic events. Badminton? Same thing. Gymnastics with freakishly young children? Same thing. I saw both the Venezuelan volleyball team and the Polish badminton team play very civil matches that didn't leave me wanting to punch them in the face. That's what the Olympic spirit is supposed to be like.

OK, as we speak Venus Williams is losing a tennis match to some a random Chinese woman and the same thing is happening... sigh. I guess the point of this post/rant is really that the Chinese are not coming across as the likable bunch they intended- instead they are coming across as a bunch of arrogant d-bags who are dominating the Olympic scene. A chill pill is indeed in order.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Opening Ceremony: Meh

China dropped the ball on this one. The Chinese are supposed to be good at two things: Rice, and Fireworks. And dumplings. And kungfu... and calligraphy... and ping pong... whatever the point is fireworks are something they can do well. After being here for last year's Chinese New Year celebration I assumed that last night would be crazy. After all, the whole world was watching this show, so why not start the whole Olympics off with a bang and go all out with the craziest firework show ever? Instead, all I got were a few glimpses of some dinky fireworks (conveniently obscured by a building), and only one minute of actual impressive fireworks. It was a let down.

The day started with Estee (my girlfriend, in the off-chance someone who doesn't know me actually decides to read this blog) and I getting lunch with my Chinese friend Zhangyi and a family friend Joan (also Chinese). Joan works for a tour guide company, so she knows a thing or two about the city. She decided it was worth ignoring the warnings of the Chinese government not to approach the Birds Nest unless you had a ticket in hand, and so we set out towards the stadium to try and get a glimpse of this supposedly amazing firework show. Rumors were spreading that the show would last 3o minutes, so despite the 95 degree heat all areas leading up to the stadium were packed with sweaty, exposed Chinese man bellies -->

One thing the Chinese do have a lot of is nationalism, and there was plenty of it on display yesterday. As I said before, the streets were packed, and literally everyone was covered head to toe in Chinese paraphernalia, complete with painted red faces and flags. I even saw a few people with the Olympic rings shaved into their heads. Apparently though it's illegal to sell Chinese flags (who would have guessed, considering you see them for sale every 30 feet), and we witnessed two undercover cops starting to push a man around and demand he turn over his flags and leave. Of course my trusty Coolpix camera sucked the nut yet again and prevented me from getting a picture of the accosting, but I can assure you it got pretty heated! The man ended up just running away, so who knows what happened with that.

It turns out the Chinese are as racist against middle easterners as most Americans, and so everyone had been told to keep an eye out for any Arabs on the subways or anywhere else, since they'd most likely be strapped with TNT. As a measure to keep the Bird's Nest safe from any Arabs, security was particularly tight and everything was closed off within a mile of the stadium. According to Zhangyi, anyone living within a mile of the stadium was told by the government not to leave their homes under any circumstance and were essentially under house arrest last night. As a result, we were left struggling to find a place to watch the fireworks. We ended up on crowded a pedestrian overpass, where a man pushed me aside so his daughter could take a piss right where I had been standing. Thanks, that's awesome, I love pee.

Anyways, I've learned that no one enjoys looking at pictures of fireworks, so I decided to film the show instead. This is what I waited three hours to see:


After the fireworks we headed over to the Hou Hai bar district, a neat cluster of bars right alongside a beautiful lake. This place was hopping with people from all nationalities who were watching the opening ceremonies on the many big screen TV's. Apparently the Chinese really like North Korea and Russia, because when those countries came up the bars erupted. I think there were some Saudi Arabians in the bar too, since that got a disturbingly loud applause. The French were vehemently booed, as was President Bush. Kobe got a big applause though (apparently rapists are cool here). And when the Chinese finally came out, the entire Hou Hai district went crazy, chanting "Zhongguo! China!" I gotta say, the Chinese love their country! And that was that.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Blog Introduction

Alright time for a quick introduction to what this blog is all about. I'm currently in Beijing, it's a beautiful 97 degrees outside and I'm sitting in my boxers with a cold Fanta down my pants, trying to cool off. I just saw a mom holding her naked child above a trashcan while it strained to take a dump. These are indeed crazy times we're living in, and I figured since I'm living in another country for the next year, a blog is as good a way as any to share these interesting/strange experiences with others! After all, it's not everyday you see peasants in America shooting rockets into the sky to prevent rain from falling! So yeah, this blog will pretty much focus on the next year of my life in Beijing. Enjoy!