Chinese Chivalry?

Yesterday I missed the chance to accomplish one of my life goals. Wow, that sentence definitely sounds more dramatic than it should… to clarify, something I have always wanted to do in my life is go up to a random crying girl and offer her a tissue. Random, I know, and not really a life goal as much as something I’d to say I’ve done. Anyways, I was on the bus yesterday and this girl got on, waved goodbye out the window and started crying. “Wow, this is my chance,” I thought as I reached into my pocket to pull out a tissue. What I failed to take into account is that Beijing buses during rush hour are so packed that it’s impossible to turn your head, let alone push your way through 50 sweaty Chinese to give a girl a tissue. So while this poor thing is bawling her eyes out, I’m stuck 5 feet away with a tissue in hand and never get close enough to give it to her.

What’s the point of this story? The point is that I was the only one in the entire bus who even considered giving the girl a tissue. And as I stood there awkwardly holding that tissue, I started thinking of how un-chivalrous the Chinese are. Now don’t get me wrong, Chinese women can be just as rude as the men here. But I find it particularly interesting watching the interactions here between men and women as compared to back in the States. If people say chivalry is dead back in America, I wonder what they’d say about it here.

For example, Chinese men will not offer the seat on the bus or subway to a woman. Just doesn’t happen. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen a group of people rush onto the bus and seen men power-walk past women to get the last seat. More interestingly, I have seen on many occasions a couple get on the bus and the man take the only available seat. This is very different from back home, where the boyfriend will always let the girl sit. Other examples? Men starting to eat their meal before the woman are served; men hogging the umbrella when it rains; and men not holding the door open for women (at least not for strangers). I’m sure I could come up with other examples, but the point is, its pretty prevalent seeing men not acting chivalrous here.

My question is, why? Does it have something to do with the Communist mindset of equality and the woman’s liberation movement it produced? Under that mindset, one could argue that if women are to be viewed as equals within the party, why should they get special privileges? Hm. On the other hand, maybe the lack of chivalry stems back to older, Confucian ideologies that placed women low on the societal totem pole. Under this logic, one could argue men lack chivalry because they lack respect towards women. For all I know, chivalry could be an entirely Western phenomenon that doesn’t have a place in China. Who the hell knows? Of course I’m not saying that all Chinese men lack chivalrous virtues, I’m simply pointing out that the Chinese have a long way to go before they reach Western standards on that front.