China is a Pedophiles Paradise!

I like to joke that China is a pedophiles paradise. Perhaps China isn't as welcoming a utopia as one would find in Saudi Arabia or other Arab nations, but it is still a great place for pedophiles to go. Why, you ask? Because everywhere you are in China, you will see exposed baby genitals. No matter what, as hard as I try to avoid seeing them, it seems that a child's package is always in plain sight. It's like the damn kids are taunting me, just standing there as their crotchless chaps expose their "goods" to the world.

In a move that is both cheap and environmentally friendly, Chinese parents have traditionally stayed away from having their only child wear diapers and instead prefer their offspring to wear pants with a slit running down the bottom. Very stylish! This slit allows for their child to easily pop a squat and take a dump or piss wherever they please! How many times have I had the joy of watching a child pee in public, or accidentally stepped in baby shit? Countless, and I can almost guarantee I'll get another peep-show tomorrow!

As a kindergarten teacher, I was blessed with countless encounters of public urination. The school was literally 10 feet away from the playground, but instead of running inside to take a leak, these children found it more convenient to go in front of the class. Public urination wasn't restricted to the boys, as the girls seemed to enjoy it just as much. Even grosser was the fact that the teachers would often assist the children in going to the bathroom. For the younger girls, the teachers would help by holding them off the ground and keeping their legs up as they peed; for the boys, some teachers would go as far as to hold their "wangs" up to ensure the boys didn't pee on themselves. Is that really necessary? Is that even legal?

Since we're on this topic I may as well post another pleasant story concerning the children and their public urination. Once while on a field trip to a local nursing home, the teachers announced that it was time for everyone to go to the bathroom. Normally it's fine for the kids to just pee on the ground, but since we were guests at this nursing home we needed to show a little class and civility. So instead of peeing on the ground the teachers pulled out several large plastic bags and invited the children to pee into them! I stood by horrified as the boys each took turns peeing into the same pee bag, with the expected spray and dribble landing on the teachers hands. For the girls, the teachers pulled out a plastic bin lined with the plastic bag, and the girls all took turns going into that. Soon the teachers were walking around with filled bags of urine, looking for a trash can to dispose of them. Gross!

Well there you have it- if seeing exposed gentiles floats your boat, or if watching children defecate on the sidewalk is your thing, then I invite you to discover the joys of China! 北京欢迎你!